you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
