I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
