that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
