HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
