I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
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