She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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