I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My vagina just recognized that song.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
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