just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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