you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
