okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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