He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
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