Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
