We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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