every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
