You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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