yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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