who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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