Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
