I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
