I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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