id be glad to
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
