She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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