was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
