he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
