I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
