I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I am midnight drunk by noon
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize