so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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