Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize