we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
