Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
