He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
