did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize