I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
