Small penises have feelings too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
