his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
