My first STD was from a foam party
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize