i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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