I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
