You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ladies don't puke and tell
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
