If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
