I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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