Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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