6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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