why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
