If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
