i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
