I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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