Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
