I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
