i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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