I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
