physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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