he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
