So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
