We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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