you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
