And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I met the friendliest cop last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
