I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Michael Bay diarrhea
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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