If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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