I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
organizing the empties. That sober.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
