I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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