I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
