not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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