I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize