how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
