he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
