I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
