A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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