That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
