So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
