I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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