last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
