I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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