Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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