Already got asked if we're dating
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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