my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
