Michael Bay diarrhea
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
